Tae's review

Memoirs of a Broken Heart

This fan fiction is obviously not written by a native speaker. The way the text is presented and the wordings are too fancy/decorative for it to have been written by an English mother-tongue. The idea and approach were quite good. However, eventhough it was written in a first person narrative, it seemed like it has or should have been written in a third person narrative. For this to be an Asian (especially a Japanese) man's point of view, it is too descriptive with some words that does not fit in well (a 'looked it up in the dictionary' type of translation). These lack of fluency hinders to grab the reader's attention.

Deathnote afterlife

This Fan fiction is easy to read as it consists many conversations. But too much conversation
makes it boring as each character lacks description of their personality. For example it would be better if Sayu uses more archaic expressions to emphasize she is a typical Japanese female and Ryuzaki speaking in a arrogant manner shows the dignity of a Shinigami. Individuality in each character attracts the reader to concentrate more in the story.

Gantz_A_New_Team

This fan fiction is very interesting as it has new characters based on the main story settings of Gantz. the writer describes each scene smoothly and explains the character's mentality and the action in detail. I like the way when the writer uses bold and italic when writing the sound and display that the black ball makes because it makes easier to read and highlights the events that the black ball creates. this fanfic conveys the sensation of the original Gantz comic.

 Rions_Thoughts

 I must guess that English is a second language to the writer as the structure of the sentence is very simple and straight to the point. I suppose the writer's intentions was to display Rion's complicated and frustrated thoughts but with shortage in English grammer the fanfic turned out as a brief summary of the whole story. It would have been better if the Writer specified one particular scene with various emotional expressions to fabricate Rion's sensitive personality.

 

 The_Wonderful_World_of_Hell

 The compelling conversation makes this story addicting to read. This rather feels like a movie script that conveys each character's emotions.  The bold and italic writing make the readers easy to be immersed in the story.